Title: Finding Freedom: The Healing Journey of Adoptees in a World of Expectations
TRIGGER WARNING: This story includes a brief mention of childhood physical abuse and may be triggering to some readers.
On a Christmas morning many years ago, a young girl eagerly unwrapped a gift, unveiling a pink ballerina costume. “What the hell did you do? You ain’t supposed to put it on yet!” her mother screamed, an eruption that shattered her innocence in seconds. The joy of the holiday was swallowed by a harsh reality—this was not a day of celebration but one that would reinforce a childhood of fear and unworthiness.
This girl, now an author and advocate for emotional healing, is Kelly Jean Torres. Her harrowing story of adoption, compounded by childhood abuse, speaks to a larger issue many adoptees face: the struggle to define themselves in environments where approval is conditional.
In her poignant memoir, Saving The Lost Girl: A Memoir of Healing, released this past April, Torres explores the deep scars left by a traumatic upbringing and the persistent belief that she was unlovable—leading to a lifelong quest for acceptance.
“In a world where I was conditioned to adapt to the needs of others, I learned to keep my true self hidden. The fear of abandonment governed my choices,” Torres states. “Many adoptees carry this burden, transforming into chameleons in relationships, constantly bending to fit others’ expectations to avoid pain.”
As she navigated her adult life, Torres realized the cost of this adaptation: loneliness. During a “yes day” with her daughter—when her child could choose activities and eat whatever they wanted—a pivotal moment emerged. When asked what she wanted, Torres found herself unable to answer, wrestling with deep-rooted guilt at the thought of putting her desires first.
This epiphany led her to therapy, where she learned that the path to healing was entwined with self-acceptance and confronting trauma. “Resolving trauma means dissolving shame. I was raised to think my worth was tied to the happiness of those around me,” she explains.
With the help of specialized therapy techniques, including EMDR and accelerated resolution therapy, Torres began to reclaim her identity and envisioned a life filled with genuine connections. “Being seen and loved for who you are is the antidote to loneliness,” she asserts.
Her journey reveals a crucial lesson for both adoptees and anyone grappling with feelings of unworthiness: the importance of self-discovery. “Ask yourself, ‘If I had a yes day, how would I spend it?’ It’s a powerful way to reflect on your own needs and desires,” she encourages.
Torres’s story sheds light on the complex emotional landscape faced by adoptees and the urgent need for acceptance, support, and understanding. “Everyone deserves to be loved for who they truly are,” she states, a rallying cry that resonates far beyond her own experiences.
As we enter a season often filled with family gatherings and expectations, her message serves as a reminder: True joy lies in authenticity, and we can create spaces where everyone can thrive, free from the burdens of shame and fear.
In Kelly Jean Torres’s journey, hope flickers brightly, illuminating the path for others to reclaim their narratives and find joy in self-acceptance.
About Kelly Jean Torres
Kelly Jean Torres is an author, essayist, and singer/songwriter based in Nashville, TN. Her memoir, Saving The Lost Girl: A Memoir of Healing, was released earlier this year. For more information about her work, visit her website.